i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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