its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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