I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
