he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
