Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
