I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
