When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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