My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
