i just google imaged poop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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