i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
