so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
