So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
