Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
