If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize