He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
