you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone signed my nipple.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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