He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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