well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
