If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Even my vagina gasped.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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