Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
