I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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