there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm at about main and main street
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
