My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
