these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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