What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
