So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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