he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
