using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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