Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
