just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
