my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
