I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
