How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
