so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
