Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
