About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize