Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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