My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize