I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
