how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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