last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
