dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
