i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
