After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
