guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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