i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
