I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
