Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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