I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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