I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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