Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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