Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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