I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
