alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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