Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
