you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
