She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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