It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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