the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize