Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
