So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
