1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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