dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
