White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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