happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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