Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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