and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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