We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize