And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
